2013-12-26 / Lifestyles

Jest for Fun

Lois A. Corcoran Lois A. Corcoran When my aunt experienced back pain, I asked mom for the diagnosis. “The verdict is,” she replied, “something out of place.”

Yup, that tells me a lot.

Another time she offered slightly more detail when she mentioned someone’s “corroded artery”.

But I should talk. After all, I share mom’s lack of medical knowledge. I’m vaguely familiar with the common cold, but that’s pretty much the extent of it. When pain or illness strikes my family or me, I don’t even possess the wherewithal to ask intelligent questions.

Maybe it’s because deep down I don’t want to know about these things. I’d much rather think something’s wrong than have confirmed. My worries would increase exponentially if given that kind of merit.

This ignorance carries over into other aspects of life, too. I watch drug ads on TV, for instance, without a clue as to what they cure. I can, however, tell you what they “won’t” cure, given the lengthy disclaimers at the end.

This is partially due to all the technical terms used these days, like acid reflux. Whatever happened to heartburn? I tend to mix up drug names, too, like Celebrex and Cialis. Good thing I don’t take them.

Compounding my confusion is the fact that everyone holds a different theory about causes and cures for everything under the sun. If doctors can’t agree, how do they expect “me” to have a clue?

My ignorance is also due to the it fact that – knock on wood – there are no medical conditions in my family. Consequently there’s no danger of kids stealing drugs from my house. If they took mine, all they’d do is fall asleep.

The only “drug” I take is Melatonin for recurring insomnia. Even so, my better half and I both have trouble remembering its name. “Did you take your Melanoma last night?” he asked the other day. It’s been called Metamorphosis, too.

Then again, ignorance can be bliss. There are plenty of times when a little knowledge can be an annoying thing.

I used to work with a gal who kept a four-inch reference in her desk and dragged it out whenever co-workers voiced a medical complaint.

These days, one can avoid the hernia by tapping into WebMD. com instead. Just plug in a symptom and you get a boatload of possible diseases.

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