2013-05-16 / Lifestyles

The dream job

Lois A. Corcoran

I found the perfect job without ever stepping foot outside. Furthermore, there were no applications to complete and no sweaty-palm interviews to attend.

How, you ask? With the help of that high-tech marvel, the Internet. An online company hired me to transcribe legal documents from home, a dream job for a hermit like myself.

This required some preliminaries, of course. For starters, I signed a year-long employment and confidentiality contract. Though the witnesses from the hearings I type vow to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, I personally have been sworn to secrecy.

And in order to hear those hearings, I had to download audio software, which, thankfully, was free. However, if one wants to actually control the audio, one must fork out eighty bucks for a foot pedal.

If it were up to me, I’d still be scratching my head trying to figure it all out. Luckily, my number one son and resident puter tech set me up, and soon, I received my first job.

Various representatives call first to request that I take an assignment. Although they ask politely, I get the feeling that “no” isn’t an option. I learned the hard way never to answer the phone Friday afternoon if I want a weekend off.

Life as a transcriptionist is not all rosy, of course. When I receive rush assignments, everything takes a back seat. One job in particular took me 20 hours, during which time we ran out of clean dishes and underwear.

At times like that, my computer feels like an electronic ball and chain. And my already wide hips seem to spread even more the longer I sit.

Although the work is fascinating, the pay is not. I suspect that burger guys (and gals) at a fast food joint make more per hour than I do.

The audio can be hard to hear, too. At times, I rewind and listen to puzzling dialogue a few hundred times. And what I hear is not necessarily what they spoke. Reminds me of the gal whose boss said, “Very truly yours,” and she typed, “Virtually yours”.

But the perks outweigh the drawbacks.

No need for Career Girl clothes, since I can work in my jammies. My commute requires no gas whatsoever. And the mail carrier delivers my paychecks.

For a hermit like me, what’s not to like?

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