2012-08-02 / Outdoors

Fish Report

Well, here we are at the last day in July and if you are wondering what time it is, just look at all the back to school promotions you see now. This means that there are officially only a couple of weeks of summer left for you to enjoy ending with the U.P. State Fair. Where does the time go so fast?

There sure were a lot of people around for the fishing contest this past weekend. This has become quite a summer event in our town.

With the month of August upon us it becomes that time of year when you can enjoy all the fresh home grown garden produce. There is just something about garden fresh that makes it that much better. If you do not have a garden to enjoy you can always hit the farmers market and buy it there.

Wifee and I have always thought that corn on the cob was better either roasted over an open fire or done on the grill. Of course this may have to do with the old man’s teeth I have inherited through the years.

Some U.P. facts adapted especially for usens.

Ontonagon: A senior citizen in Ontonagon was overheard saying “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Ontonagon.” When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Ontonagon ‘cause everything happens in Ontonagon 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Garden: A young man from Garden came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, someone just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!” Bubba asked, “Did you see who it was?” The young man answered, No! I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number off the truck!”

Munising: A man in Munising had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the pickup and one behind it. Then he got back in the truck to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.” The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?” The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

Naubinway: A Michigan State Trooper pulled a car over on US-2 near Naubinway and asked “Got any ID?” The driver replied, “About whut?”

Cooks: The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pickup into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.” “Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine for dumping garbage.’

Yooper facts: Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your windup car.

So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have a $250,000 skidder that is driven only into and around trees!

If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/ deer are comin’ in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and bear. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.

The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the 15th day of November each year.

No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... sometimes all in one called a pasty!

You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring a girlfriend into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

A Yooper’s solution to save gas:

President OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 15 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down.....Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan .....

Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve a tour in iour military....

Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....

He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. .......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.

Problem solved..... with the help of an over-the-hill Yooper’s outdated wisdom.

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