2012-05-17 / Outdoors

Fish Report

Well, the camping season for so many of those around the area is about to begin. I have to ask you where else can a person spend the summer camping in their back yard yet still get to enjoy what other people travel hundreds of miles to do. Life is great up here and the fact that family orientated fun is at the top of the list makes it all the better.

I have come to the conclusion that there are some strange people that live down here in Florida. Now a red, blooded all American Yooper goes out and buys his dream vehicle and decks it out. In other words he gets a pickup truck and makes it an all American man-type truck any Yooper would drive with pride.

Not down here in Florida where it seems if you want to be cool you go out and purchase a decked out golf cart and drive around with it. To be cool you need chrome reverse wheels on it and flags from where you originated from flying in the breeze. You then have to have your golf bags hanging off the back with silly club covers that makes one wonder. The one thing that does amaze me is the fact that 99.9 percent of all golf carts are white. Can someone tell me why? I think we should open up a new business where we produce a pink colored golf cart for the ladies. This should be a big winner because at least half the drivers I see are ladies and they should have their own identity in the golfing world.

You ask me how many golf carts are down here in this area. Well, the sub-division our daughter lives in runs from one exit on I-95 all the way to the next exit. Within this sub-division these golf courses run the whole length of it and many times they are crisscrossing along the way.

Before I even got down here Wifee warned me to watch out for all the golf carts for it seems they outnumber the cars in some areas.

Now back to a true all American Yooper pickup truck where you would have camo seat covers, a 4-wheeler in the back, and a gun rack in the back window holding your fishing poles.

There was another time I knew I was out of my element when I was taking one of our young grandson’s to school and he reached down on the floor, picked up something and asked me, “Grandpa what this?” He was holding the scraper I used to clean off my windshield the day I left home. Now needless to say down here they look like something nobody owned. But then again you could use it to scrape off your grill seeing it has a metal edge.

In closing I will tell you that you may think this is a joke but my daughter told me it is not because they had the same problem with her husband’s grandmother after she died. The moral of the story is to cancel out all your credit cards before you die.

A lady died and Citibank billed her for two month s for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0 when she died, but now somewhere around $60. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange: Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died back in January.” Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.” Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.” Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.” Family Member: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’” Citibank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!” Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” Citibank: ‘Excuse me?” Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?” Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.”

Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.” Citibank: “The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.” (What late fees, if her account is at $0 balance?) Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?’” Citibank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?’ Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.” (Lawyer info was given) Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?” Family Member: “Sure.” (Fax number was given)

After they get the fax: Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death.. I don’t know what more I can do to help.” Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.” Citibank: “Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.” (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?’ Citibank: ‘That might help....” Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69, Odessa, TX 79760.”

Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!” Family Member: “And what do you do with dead people on your planet???”

Welcome to the wonderful modern world of computers with the loss of common sense. But remember I thought this was a joke until I found out it can happen.

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