2012-05-17 / Lifestyles

Another day, another diet

Lois A. Corcoran Lois A. Corcoran I just heard that the average adult woman gains a pound and a half annually. What a time to be above average.

Without my realizing it, ten pounds crept back onto my dwarflike frame over the past five years. If I owned one of those talking scales, we’d no longer be speaking.

Translated, this means two full dress sizes bigger. Swimsuits paint an even dire picture. I’m surprised my earrings still fit.

I could have sworn I had the whole weight issue figured out, and even threw away my extensive collection of diet books. To be honest, I acted a bit cocky about it, too. “As God is my witness,” I vowed one day, stealing a phrase from Gone with the Wind, “I’ll never be porky again.”

Yeah, well, never say never.

Not only that, but pride goes before the fall and all those other applicable proverbs. It serves me right that I look like someone switched my “before” and “after” pictures.

Of course, photos can be doctored up. When I sent an acquaintance a picture of herself, she suggested I use the “crop” feature to remove fifteen pounds.

What I wouldn’t give to have that option in real life, painful though it may be. But plenty of us have taken extreme measures from time to time.

I heard that some contestant wannabes gorge themselves before auditions for The Biggest Loser show, the better to be chosen. And we all know that those selected spend umpteen hours a day in grueling exercise regimes.

These days, I’m lucky if I can survive twenty minutes on my dreadmill. Sweating profusely throughout the ordeal, I glance at my watch and ask, “Are we there yet?” Afterward, my breath comes in short pants -- which are too daring for the rest of me to wear.

They still haunt my closet though. For reasons unknown, I hang onto sizes I’ll never fit into again, but can’t ditch my “fat” clothes fast enough. I’m not sure if that’s optimism or stupidity.

So I’m at a crossroads here. Either I buy a new wardrobe or launch another diet. Given my tendency to be cheap, this gal plans to opt for the latter.

Thus I aim to reverse the upward trend with a little help from my friends at 3FatChicks.com, a new web site I found. And, frankly, I can hardly weight.

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